Pilot
I live completely in my head. The person walking around that other people pass by, speak to, is not me. Who am I though? I don't even know who me is, to be honest. But I walk around knowing, KNOWING, who they see and who I am are not the same. LOL here we go. Look, look, look LOOK.. if you're even reading this, I simply do not care.
That is why I am writing here. Because here, I can be myself.These are my private thoughts that happen to be public.This is something I've always been interested in doing. Writing my thoughts to the public to see if anyone else is interested. Maybe I think I am more interesting than I am. What if I am interesting? Would I even know if no one told me? How embarrassing to realize that that is actually what I want ...to see if I am interesting. Then maybe I think I am boring. I think I am boring.
This is not a ramble, you see. This is NOT a self-help blog. This is me, my thoughts.. written out loud for me. A project where I can vent to a little more than just myself and try and find patterns.
I have tried to change myself too many times. It's exhausting. It actually makes things worse, harder. And as I get older, I've noticed things are starting to break down bit by bit. And I have a little teeny ounce,like a 40 oz (to freedom) of suspicion that this is all stemming from trying to change. Welp, trying to force change. So yeah, this is another attempt. But a different type of attempt. Raw data. Spill gutz type, type out loud, try and understand myself over time.
Every day on my drive to work I have a lightbulb moment where I really REALLY understand the answer to it all. All of it. All my problems.
It's so simple.
It's so obvious.
Self mf discipline.
That's it. DUHH
But I can't touch it. There's too much shit in the way. Convenience, bomb ass unhealthy ass food, work, schedules, blah blah blah blah, don't make me type it out, you get it.
But that's the answer.
Self discipline.
So, you see, that's the point of all of this. I'll be here most days (unless this is YET another failed project) trying to figure it out. Trying to find patterns, voicing my mind out loud.
Maybe I'll find me.
Maybe I'll like XXXX. Maybe I'll want to be XXXX.
Okay byeeee.